Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
