my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
