theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
