Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
