i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it's like iHOP with fire
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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