There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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