I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize