ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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