Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
