I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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