found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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