I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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