I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
