I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
