Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
