Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
