There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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