I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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