conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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