U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
