I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
