so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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