There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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