If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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