I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
