We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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