Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize