You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I could make wine with my vomit
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
