she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
