How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
