I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
