we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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