you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize