I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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