seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
