i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize