Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
