all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
