he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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