I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
