I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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