your parents love me but you hate me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
