Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
