Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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