Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
