Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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