i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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