a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
