they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
