That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
