jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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