Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
