Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
