I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
