So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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