I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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