Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
