i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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