Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
