i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
