you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize