You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
