Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
