you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
