just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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