If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
