you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
is that a dick in a sweater?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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