ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
