We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
