Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
