garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
