I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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