Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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