So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
