Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
