there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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