Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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