well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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