sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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