we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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