i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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